More on Grief and Mediation: the Quiet Power of Being Present

​My sister-in-law Karin died on June 3rd after a nine month period navigating a rare and aggressive ovarian cancer. My brother Bruce asked Joel and me to join him for a week in the beach front cottage in Canada that Karin had found, knowing that she did not have much time left and saying that she wanted to make Summer of 2025 the best summer ever. 
 
My brother Bruce's way of processing his grief was to invite all of his many Buffalo friends and our cousins and even his rabbi from Buffalo, his wife, his four girls and their babysitter up to visit.  Bruce really is an extreme extrovert. I think one day there were forty people sitting together on the beach. Bruce’s friends brought their grandchildren, a couple people brought their well behaved dogs, and we had people ranging in age from 2 to 82 most days. 
 
I had very long and  meaningful conversations with Karin’s sisters, her best friend Mary Ann and with Bruce’s friends and our cousins.  I began by asking Mary Ann and Karin’s sisters: How are you? How was Karin so brave? How was it that she never complained? What were her wishes for Bruce, their sons, her sisters, her best friend?
 
Bruce and I took long ninety minute beach walks each morning before all of the friends and cousins arrived. I think he had a fantastic week surrounding himself with his people. The weather was perfect. We even became friends with the owner of the cottage and had her over for lunch, dinner, and beach time.
 
Watching my brother move through loss is difficult. I am an empath and feel other people’s pain deeply. He is still grieving and will grieve the loss of Karin for the rest of his life. Being present with him for that week in July was powerful.

What does grief continue to teach me?  In part, real communication can begin when we stop trying to rush through discomfort. While grief and conflict may seem unrelated, both often stem from loss. In mediation, my job is to be present for all of my clients. My ethical duty is to create a safe and supportive environment for all, allowing my clients to express their feelings, thoughts, and experiences without judgment or attempts to fix, control, or change the situation. As a mediator, I understand the quiet power of being present—and the importance of creating that space for others.

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