Pre-Marriage Mediation: A June Bride’s Guide

Guest blogger Dana Shaker is a relationship coach, trained mediator, certified yoga teacher, and DC-licensed lawyer. She supports engaged couples to prepare for their marriages using a unique fusion of communication skills, relationship and relating practices, and legal education so that forever partners can beautifully navigate some of life's most challenging conversations. She does so with the intention of teaching what she likes to call Wise Love - the kind of love that knows the wisdom of revealing our truest, most authentic selves to allow for real connection in our own lives and in our relationships.

You just got engaged - and you couldn't be happier! The dream you've had in your heart and your mind for so long is finally happening for you and your beloved.

You immediately start looking up venues in your area, or maybe those destination wedding spots you've always dreamed of. You start making your wedding Pinterest board -- filled with gorgeous flowers, stationary, and of course, wedding dresses and attire. You grab a wedding planning book or two, and start following dreamy engagement and wedding shoots on Instagram.

And then it starts. The questions (from loving relatives and friends of course). Where will the wedding be? Who is invited? What are you contemplating for the color scheme? Have you thought about including your Aunt Petunia in the ceremony as an officiant, or baby cousin Jimmy as the ring bearer? Have you thought about the long-term legal, financial, and practical implications of marriage -- like buying a house together, filing your taxes jointly or separately, condensing or keeping your savings accounts separate from one another, how you’re going to handle holidays and family events -- and are you going to sort them out? (Raise your hand if you're feeling the pressure to look into a prenup from parents or grandparents, but have no idea how to start that conversation!)

These questions make you and your forever partner realize reality -- that this is a moment of transition in your lives as a couple. It's the first real moment when you're standing together for your decisions as a couple in the eyes of your family and your friends. And the decisions you make now -- the way you navigate the marriage of not just your personal lives, but your families, friends, finances, long-term healthcare plans -- will set the tone for your own marriage and your relationships with your loved ones moving forward.

And maybe, in the back of your mind, you're feeling like it would be smart to have the conversations around prenups, buying a house together, how you’re going to handle taxes, savings accounts and other assets, who is going to look after your mother and your mother-in-law when the time comes, how you’re going to handle in-law dynamics and family dynamics in your married life, what happens when it’s time to send your kids to school, teach them about the world in the best way you can from a united front as parents.

Because when you think about it, you realize it would bring you peace of mind that you've been able to talk honestly and sincerely with your forever person about the not-so-fun conversations leading up to your special day. The best part? You get to do this in a way that brings you and your partner closer than ever before. A way that lets you look your future children in the eyes and say that you two planned ahead for some of the eventualities we often want to put to the back of our minds.

Finding that way to approach these conversations is key, especially leading up to your special day. But here's the thing. The cake, flowers, and wedding dress last for the wedding day. But your marriage? You want that to last forever.

If you’re an engaged couple looking to plan your next chapter by having the smart conversations now to avoid the serious ones later - all while coming closer together than ever before - schedule a time for a free consultation with me and learn more about my unique Wise Love experience.

Wishing you every happiness heading into your married life!

​My deepest gratitude to Lisa Halpern for allowing me to share this writing on her mediation blog this month! It has been a privilege to share my thoughts with you. Thank you, Lisa - and thank you, Reader, for being here!
 

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