I have been a Buffalo Bills fan my entire life. I grew up in Buffalo and was raised on frigid bleachers, wide-right heartbreak, and unwavering loyalty. My connection to the team runs even deeper: my Uncle Ralph was the Bills’ lawyer from the very beginning of the franchise in 1959 for decades. So when I watched the Bills–Broncos game on January 17th—especially the overtime calls that appeared to favor Denver—I felt a profound sense of sadness.

That reaction is not unique to Bills fans. Every NFL season, games turn on judgment calls, and when several calls go one way in the most consequential moments, frustration turns quickly into mistrust. Fans argue, coaches voice strong opinions, players display their emotions, and the league often responds with silence or technical explanations that leave no one satisfied.

Mediation—and mediation thinking—could help the NFL. Mediation is not about replaying the game or changing outcomes. It’s about addressing what happens after a perceived injustice. In the Bills–Broncos game, the real conflict was not just about three gut wrenching and controversial calls in overtime. It was about the feeling that the process itself lacked transparency and accountability.

A mediator would not ask “Did the officials get every call right?” Instead, a mediation approach would focus on the below questions:

• What specifically felt unfair to those affected?
• Where did discretion, rather than clear rules, drive the outcome?
• How can the league acknowledge frustration and restore trust without admitting bad faith?
• What systemic changes would reduce this type of controversy in the future?

Right now, the NFL’s structure is adversarial by design: teams challenge calls, officials defend decisions, and fans are left to argue among themselves. A mediation approach would slow the conversation down, shift it away from blame, and move toward transparency and learning. Football will always involve judgment calls. That is part of the game. But how the league responds when those calls decide games is a choice. Mediation does not weaken authority; it strengthens legitimacy. For a league built on loyalty, legitimacy matters.

In my mediation practice, I see this dynamic every day: people are often less focused on changing the outcome than on being heard, respected, and assured that the process itself is fair. The Bills–Broncos game was a reminder that conflict is not just about rules—it’s about trust. Whether in a family dispute, a workplace conflict, or a high-stakes NFL game, mediation helps to slow things down, identify the issues that are really at stake, brainstorm and evaluate solutions, and restore confidence in the system. And when trust is preserved, even hard outcomes become easier to accept.

Buffalo Bills versus the Miami Dolphins in Miami in November, 2025..

Wishing everyone a Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year! Photos by JB Elliott Photography

My friend and colleague Susan Guthrie joined Oprah Winfrey, Lori Gottlieb, and Dr. Susan Brown for an important conversation about Gray Divorce. Susan says "For many years, my mission has been to help people move away from the default litigation model of divorce and find a better way to separate -- one that prioritizes dignity, empathy, and hope. This conversation takes that mission to an entirely new level...Divorce is not the end of your story. It can be the beginning of becoming who you were always meant to be."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxXBpdFeYF4​

I am honored to be featured again in Bold Journey magazine in an article titled Life, Lessons, & Legacies. Over the past few years, I’ve had the privilege of sharing insights about mediation with Bold Journey. Each interview gives me a chance to reflect on the evolving challenges people face—and the ways mediation can create space for better communication, healthier relationships, and lasting solutions. In this latest conversation, we talked about how a genuine apology can help to restore trust and how we ensure that apologies are sincere. Thank you to Bold Journey for continuing to shine a light on the value of mediation. 

Read the interview here: https://boldjourney.com/an-inspired-chat-with-ellice-lisa-halpern-of-arlington-virginia-highlight/

Have you heard of “ghost firing”? A ghost firing is when an employee is pushed out of a workplace not through direct termination, but through silence, avoidance, or indirect signals that make the employee feel that he or she no longer belongs. Instead of having an honest conversation about performance, expectations or workplace dynamics, the employee is left in the dark—often confused, anxious, and eventually terminated.

Ghost firing hurts everyone. The employee feels blindsided and disrespected. The organization risks legal exposure, reputational harm, and the loss of trust among remaining staff.

The good news? Ghost firing is preventable. Open communication and early mediation can create space to address concerns before they escalate. A neutral mediator helps managers and employees to clarify expectations, rebuild trust, and resolve conflicts directly. Instead of letting avoidance drive the process, mediation ensures transparency and fairness—keeping valued employees engaged and workplaces healthier.

If you work in a toxic work environment with frequent communication breakdowns and/or unresolved tension, do not wait until you receive a text that informs you of a ghost firing. Early mediation is a proactive, respectful step toward better outcomes for everyone.

​My sister-in-law Karin died on June 3rd after a nine month period navigating a rare and aggressive ovarian cancer. My brother Bruce asked Joel and me to join him for a week in the beach front cottage in Canada that Karin had found, knowing that she did not have much time left and saying that she wanted to make Summer of 2025 the best summer ever. 
 
My brother Bruce's way of processing his grief was to invite all of his many Buffalo friends and our cousins and even his rabbi from Buffalo, his wife, his four girls and their babysitter up to visit.  Bruce really is an extreme extrovert. I think one day there were forty people sitting together on the beach. Bruce’s friends brought their grandchildren, a couple people brought their well behaved dogs, and we had people ranging in age from 2 to 82 most days. 
 
I had very long and  meaningful conversations with Karin’s sisters, her best friend Mary Ann and with Bruce’s friends and our cousins.  I began by asking Mary Ann and Karin’s sisters: How are you? How was Karin so brave? How was it that she never complained? What were her wishes for Bruce, their sons, her sisters, her best friend?
 
Bruce and I took long ninety minute beach walks each morning before all of the friends and cousins arrived. I think he had a fantastic week surrounding himself with his people. The weather was perfect. We even became friends with the owner of the cottage and had her over for lunch, dinner, and beach time.
 
Watching my brother move through loss is difficult. I am an empath and feel other people’s pain deeply. He is still grieving and will grieve the loss of Karin for the rest of his life. Being present with him for that week in July was powerful.

What does grief continue to teach me?  In part, real communication can begin when we stop trying to rush through discomfort. While grief and conflict may seem unrelated, both often stem from loss. In mediation, my job is to be present for all of my clients. My ethical duty is to create a safe and supportive environment for all, allowing my clients to express their feelings, thoughts, and experiences without judgment or attempts to fix, control, or change the situation. As a mediator, I understand the quiet power of being present—and the importance of creating that space for others.

My beautiful sister-in-law Karin Marie Shanahan Halpern died peacefully on June 3rd in her sleep in Buffalo, N.Y. Karin was married to my brother Bruce for 33 years. Together they adopted two boys, Brian and Kevin, who are now 30 and 25 years old.

Karin was a beautiful person inside and out, kind, loving, patient, and strong. She was a loyal and wonderful sister, daughter, wife, mother, and friend. She was fun to be with and she was funny. She took care of people. She was generous with her time. She was selfless and put others’ needs ahead of her own. She let bygones be bygones and never held a grudge. Karin worked as a paralegal and then in the school system with special education students. She loved spending time with her family and her friends, reading, walking on the beach and riding her bike. Karin was a very private person yet I think she would permit me to share her story.

We had a wonderful weekend last summer at Julia and Nick's wedding in Charlottesville, Virginia and a couple of months later Karin was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive ovarian cancer called ovarian carcinosarcoma. Surgery, chemotherapy, and immunotherapy followed, but the cancer continued to spread.

Karin never once complained about her cancer journey even in her last days when the pain was intolerable. I will think of her and miss her every day for the rest of my life.

What does Karin’s life and death have to do with mediation?

As a mediator, my role is to be a neutral peacemaker and to create space for resolution—to help people move through conflict with dignity, compassion, and understanding.

Grief can be like conflict. There are complex and conflicting emotions as we grieve: for example, we can feel anger that cancer struck and yet relief that our loved one is no longer suffering. Grief also forces us to let go of a part of our identities and our future plans and dreams.

In conflict, each party needs to be heard and each party needs to have a voice. In grief, we long for the same: we need to know that our person who we are missing was significant, that our loss is seen, that our feelings are honored.

Grief and conflict call for a path forward rather than going backwards. The core elements of mediation—being present, having empathy, and engaging in deep listening—are the same tools that help us navigate grief. In both, we need to resist the urge to fix and we need to honor the complexity of our emotions.
​
Will my sadness in losing Karin make me a better mediator? It may. Grief often deepens empathy. Grief makes us aware of the importance of connection and of repairing relationships.  And grief may make us more sincere, compassionate, and fully present.

I've heard lots of stories about the friction between a stepmother and an ex-wife and I am a stepmother myself. I've been fortunate to have a close and loving relationship with my stepdaughter who is now 27 years old.

I came across the (Step)momming website and it looks really interesting to me. I am going to take a close look around the site, especially at the blog and podcast. Wanted to share this website as a resource to those parents and families who may find it helpful. Let me know what you think!

stepmomming.com/

Mediation is designed to help people find common ground, but when one party shows narcissistic traits — manipulation, blame-shifting, or a need to “win” — the process can feel especially challenging. As a professional mediator, I’ve seen firsthand that resolution is still possible, even in these cases.

1. Establish Firm Boundaries from the Start
In my practice, I create a structured environment where boundaries are clearly defined and consistently reinforced. This keeps discussions productive and focused on the issues—not the personalities.
2. Shift from Emotion to Resolution
Narcissistic behavior thrives on emotional reactions. By steering the conversation toward practical interests rather than emotional grievances, we maintain momentum toward resolution.
3. Maintain Structure and Neutrality
I guide each session with a clear agenda and neutral tone, which helps prevent derailment. Structure is key—it keeps the conversation anchored when things get difficult.
4. Reframe, Redirect, Refocus
When personal attacks or blame arise, I reframe the narrative and redirect attention back to the shared goals. It's about minimizing conflict while keeping progress in motion.
5. Keep the End Goal in Sight
Mediation with a narcissist is rarely easy, but with the right strategy and support, it’s possible to achieve a resolution that works for both sides. That’s always the goal: practical outcomes that bring closure, not chaos.

​For more information about how to mediate when one party has narcissistic traits, check out  Bill Eddy's website at  https://highconflictinstitute.com/