Mediation is designed to help people find common ground, but when one party shows narcissistic traits — manipulation, blame-shifting, or a need to “win” — the process can feel especially challenging. As a professional mediator, I’ve seen firsthand that resolution is still possible, even in these cases.

1. Establish Firm Boundaries from the Start
In my practice, I create a structured environment where boundaries are clearly defined and consistently reinforced. This keeps discussions productive and focused on the issues—not the personalities.
2. Shift from Emotion to Resolution
Narcissistic behavior thrives on emotional reactions. By steering the conversation toward practical interests rather than emotional grievances, we maintain momentum toward resolution.
3. Maintain Structure and Neutrality
I guide each session with a clear agenda and neutral tone, which helps prevent derailment. Structure is key—it keeps the conversation anchored when things get difficult.
4. Reframe, Redirect, Refocus
When personal attacks or blame arise, I reframe the narrative and redirect attention back to the shared goals. It's about minimizing conflict while keeping progress in motion.
5. Keep the End Goal in Sight
Mediation with a narcissist is rarely easy, but with the right strategy and support, it’s possible to achieve a resolution that works for both sides. That’s always the goal: practical outcomes that bring closure, not chaos.

​For more information about how to mediate when one party has narcissistic traits, check out  Bill Eddy's website at  https://highconflictinstitute.com/

In mediation, neutrality is the foundation of a fair and effective dispute resolution process. A mediator’s role is not to advocate for one party over another but to create a balanced environment where both sides feel safe, heard, understood, and respected. Without impartiality, trust in the process diminishes, making resolution difficult to achieve.

Why Neutrality Matters

A truly neutral mediator ensures that:
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1. Both Parties Feel Safe and Respected – When disputing parties know the mediator isn’t taking sides, they’re more likely to engage in open, honest discussions.
2. The Focus Stays on Resolution, Not Blame – A mediator helps shift the conversation from past grievances to finding practical solutions.
3. Fair Agreements Are Reached – By remaining objective, a mediator prevents power imbalances and ensures that any agreement benefits both parties.

The Risks of a Biased Mediator
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If a mediator leans toward one side—whether intentionally or not—it can undermine the process. A biased mediator may dismiss valid concerns, fail to encourage compromise, or make one party feel unheard. This can lead to frustration, stalled negotiations, and ultimately, a failed mediation.

How Mediators Maintain Neutrality
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• Active Listening – Giving both parties equal time to express their concerns.
• Asking Open-Ended Questions – Encouraging dialogue without leading the conversation.
• Remaining Emotionally Detached – Managing personal biases to ensure fair treatment.
• Facilitating, Not Deciding – Guiding discussions rather than imposing solutions.

​At its core, mediation is about empowering individuals to resolve their disputes in a collaborative and respectful way. A neutral mediator is the key to fostering trust, ensuring fairness, and ultimately reaching lasting agreements that both parties can accept.

 In today's stressful world, here are four simple strategies to help you stay grounded:
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1. Breathe and Reset – Deep breathing exercises, even for just a few minutes, can lower stress levels and help you regain focus. Try the 4-7-8 technique: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8.
2. Get Outside – Fresh air, sunshine, blue sky, and movement can work wonders for your mood and energy levels. A short walk outside alone or with one of your favorite people can help you feel more refreshed and recharged.
3. Set Boundaries – With work, social obligations, family commitments, household responsibilities, daily errands, items on your to-do list, lack of sufficient sleep, necessary appointments, constant news alerts and digital distractions, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Establish clear limits on your time and energy to protect your well-being. One friend of mine, a former journalist, told me she has stopped watching the news and is on a "media diet".
4. Find Small Joys – Whether it’s prioritizing spending time with a friend or relative, listening to your favorite playlist, getting away, going on a hike, or reading a good book, make time for activities that bring you peace and happiness.

​Stress is a part of our daily life right now but how you respond to it makes all the difference. Prioritize self-care, stay present, and take things one step at a time.

Recently we traveled to the Hawaiian island of Kauai for a couple of weeks, and I was amazed how watching the turtles and monk seals swim onto Poipu Beach, walking on Tunnels Beach,  hiking in Waimea Canyon, and connecting with old friends helped me to feel calm and at peace.

Conflict is a natural part of life, but disputes often escalate due to poor communication. Mediation offers a structured process where a neutral third party, the mediator, helps individuals or groups resolve disputes by fostering understanding and collaboration. Unlike litigation, mediation emphasizes dialogue and mutual resolution.

​Mediation is a collaborative process where a mediator facilitates constructive conversations to help parties reach a mutually acceptable solution. The mediator ensures the environment is safe, neutral, respectful, and focused on resolution.

1. Neutral Space for Open Dialogue. Mediation provides a safe environment where participants can express their thoughts openly without fear of judgment. The mediator ensures discussions remain respectful and productive.
2. Encouraging Active Listening. Mediators promote active listening, helping participants truly understand each other’s perspectives. This shift often uncovers underlying concerns that fuel conflict, leading to meaningful conversations.
3. Addressing Emotional Barriers. Emotions like grief, anger, fear, and loss can hinder communication. Mediators acknowledge these emotions and help participants refocus on resolving the issue constructively.
4. Clarifying Misunderstandings. Mediators summarize and paraphrase and sometimes reframe what the parties communicate, helping parties to understand each other’s viewpoints.
5. Promoting Collaboration. Mediation encourages collaborative problem-solving, where parties identify shared goals and explore creative solutions. This approach not only resolves the conflict but also strengthens future communication.
6. Building Empathy and Respect. By guiding discussions, mediators foster empathy and mutual respect. When participants feel heard, they are more likely to engage positively in future interactions.

Applications of Mediation

• Workplace Conflicts: Resolving disputes between colleagues and improving teamwork.
• Family Disputes: Addressing issues like divorce or sibling disagreements while maintaining relationships.
• Community Issues: Promoting harmony in neighborhoods or diverse groups.

Mediation doesn’t just resolve conflicts—it equips participants with skills like active listening and constructive communication that strengthen future relationships. Mediation transforms conflict into an opportunity for growth. By fostering open dialogue, active listening, and collaboration, it helps parties communicate effectively, paving the way for understanding and lasting connections.

Wishing you a Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year, as well as good health and much joy in 2025! 

One of the highlights of 2024 was taking a break from work to hike in Utah where we explored Arches, Canyonlands, and Capitol Reef national parks, as well as Goblin Valley and Dead Horse state parks and LIttle Wild Horse Canyon slot canyon. 

Our oldest daughter was married in June of 2024, and we are proud of all of our five children who are working hard and advancing in their respective careers. Our youngest child will graduate from UVA in May of 2025.

Another highlight was being named to Northern Virginia Magazine's 2024 Top Lawyers List in the December, 2024 issue!

​Thank you for placing your trust in me to be your mediator, and I look forward to working with you in 2025.

​How to Avoid Uncomfortable Topics Around the Thanksgiving Table

Thanksgiving is a time to gather with family and friends, enjoy delicious food, watch football (Let's Go Buffalo!) and create lasting memories. But for many, the dinner table can also be a source of tension, especially when certain topics come up. Whether it’s politics, religion, or personal differences, some conversations can quickly sour the mood. Here are a few tips for avoiding uncomfortable topics and keeping the holiday spirit alive:

1.Set the Tone Early. Before the meal begins, it can help to set some ground rules. While it’s not necessary to lay down a strict ban on certain topics, simply encouraging a focus on gratitude and positive conversation can guide guests away from more contentious subjects. A gentle reminder about the spirit of the holiday can go a long way in preventing heated debates.

2.Redirect the Conversation. If you sense a conversation veering toward sensitive territory, try to gently steer it in a different direction. Ask open-ended questions about everyone’s favorite holiday traditions or plans for the future. A conversation about upcoming vacations or family memories can quickly replace a debate about divisive issues.

3.Encourage Shared Experiences. Often, people become more animated when discussing topics they feel strongly about. Instead of focusing on controversial matters, encourage guests to share positive experiences. Ask people to talk about what they’re thankful for, or invite family members to share funny or heartwarming stories from the past.

4.Know When to Intervene. As a mediator, it’s important to recognize when a conversation is starting to get uncomfortable. If an argument starts brewing, step in and offer a calming word or suggest taking a break from the conversation. Sometimes, a simple "Let’s agree to disagree" or "This isn’t the time or place for this discussion" can defuse a situation without escalating tensions.

5.Respect Boundaries. If you know certain topics are particularly sensitive for some guests, it’s best to avoid bringing them up at all. Respecting boundaries ensures everyone feels safe and respected during the gathering. If you’re unsure what might be off-limits, it’s okay to ask in advance or keep the conversation light and neutral.

Thanksgiving is meant to be a time of connection, reflection, and gratitude. By setting clear expectations for respectful conversation and gently steering things away from sensitive topics, you can create a warm and enjoyable atmosphere for everyone. After all, the best way to celebrate is by fostering harmony and making memories that will last long after the meal is over.

Happy Thanksgiving!

What is the best way to navigate political conversations and talk about the Presidential election with friends and family?

As the presidential election approaches, discussions surrounding candidates like Donald Trump and Kamala Harris can quickly become contentious, especially among friends and family. Political opinions can be deeply personal, and navigating these conversations requires sensitivity and strategy. Here are some comprehensive approaches to help you engage in meaningful discussions without damaging relationships:
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1. Choose the Right Time and Place Finding the right environment is crucial. Opt for settings where everyone feels comfortable and relaxed—like a casual dinner or a walk in the park. Avoid discussing politics during stressful occasions, such as family gatherings or during heated moments.  Create a more open atmosphere for dialogue.

2. Listen Actively Listening is key to effective communication. Practice active listening by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and refraining from interrupting. Show that you value the other person’s opinion by paraphrasing what they say: “So you feel that….” This not only demonstrates your engagement but also clarifies any misunderstandings.

3. Stay Calm and Respectful Emotions can escalate quickly in political discussions. To keep the conversation constructive, maintain a calm demeanor. If you feel yourself getting heated, take a deep breath and pause before responding. Use “I” statements to express your views (e.g., “I feel that…”), which can reduce the likelihood of others feeling attacked or defensive.

4. Share Personal Experiences Instead of solely presenting facts or statistics, share personal stories that illustrate your beliefs. This makes your perspective more relatable. For example, discuss how a particular policy has impacted your life or your community. Personal anecdotes can humanize political issues and foster empathy.

5. Find Common Ground Start the conversation by identifying shared values or concerns. Whether it’s a mutual interest in healthcare, education, or economic stability, focusing on what you agree on can create a collaborative atmosphere. You might say, “We both care about improving our community—let’s talk about the best way to achieve that.”

6. Ask Open-Ended Questions Encourage deeper discussion by asking open-ended questions that invite elaboration. Instead of yes/no questions, try: “What do you think about how that policy would affect our community?” This prompts thoughtful responses and keeps the conversation flowing.

7. Introduce Nuanced Perspectives Sometimes, people are entrenched in their views. Gently introducing alternative perspectives can encourage critical thinking. For example, you might say, “Have you considered how that policy might impact different groups?” This invites reflection without directly challenging their beliefs.

8. Practice Empathy Acknowledge the emotions behind political beliefs. Many people’s views are shaped by personal experiences and values. Express empathy by recognizing their feelings, such as saying, “I understand why this issue is important to you.” This can build rapport and demonstrate that you respect their perspective, even if you disagree.

9. Know When to Step Back If the conversation starts to escalate or becomes unproductive, it’s perfectly acceptable to step back. You might say, “I think we both feel strongly about this—maybe we can agree to revisit this topic later?” Protecting your mental health and the relationship is paramount.

10. Agree to Disagree Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you may find that agreement isn’t possible. In such cases, it’s vital to acknowledge this reality respectfully. Phrases like, “I respect your opinion, and I appreciate our ability to discuss these issues openly,” can help maintain a positive relationship despite differences.
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11. Limit Exposure to Negativity Be mindful of how political discussions can affect your mood and stress levels. If a conversation turns negative or hostile, don’t hesitate to redirect the topic to something lighter or more neutral. Prioritize your well-being and the health of your relationships.

Engaging in political discussions during an election season can be challenging, especially with loved ones holding opposing views. By employing these strategies—choosing the right setting, actively listening, sharing personal experiences, and focusing on common ground—you can foster respectful dialogue. Remember, the goal is not necessarily to change minds but to understand one another better. Approaching these conversations with empathy and respect will help preserve your relationships, regardless of political differences.

I was happy to speak with writer Robyn Gearey about how I work with clients in mediation. Sometimes, in addition to a mediator, a parenting coordinator who is a child development specialist can be very helpful to families during and after divorce. I was happy to see that Robyn also interviewed my colleague Lisa Herrick, PhD in the below Arlington magazine cover story, published in the September/October 2024 edition. Check out Robyn's article, "Parenting Through Divorce, How to make it easer on the kids if you decide to call it quits".

https://www.arlingtonmagazine.com/parenting-divorce/

BILL EDDY,  LCSW, Esq., is a family mediator, family lawyer, family counselor and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. He is the author of several books and the developer of methods for managing high-conflict situations, including New Ways for Families, a brief counseling or online and coaching method of learning skills for dealing with co-parenting in separation and divorce. The High Conflict Institute provides speakers and trainers to professionals around the world for managing high-conflict situations, as well as providing separated parents with numerous free articles. 

I regularly work with parents who are separating and divorcing to create parenting plans for their children.  As we make the transition from summer days, camps, vacations, and activities to the routine of the school year, below are Bill Eddy's twelve tips for co-parent boundaries:

https://highconflictinstitute.com/divorce-coparenting/top-12-tips-for-co-parent-boundaries/

“Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.” ― Dr. Sukhraj Dhillon

My son John, who is a college student, moved to Los Angeles this summer to work as a summer intern in post-production at IMAX. When he arrived in early June, a few days before his internship began, he was surprised to find that the university-owned apartment that he was subleasing from graduate student Madison* was extremely cluttered, not clean, disorganized, and crammed with old food and stuff. The photos that she had posted of the apartment when advertising it on Facebook looked nothing like what he walked into. She had also insisted on him paying total rent of $5340 in advance for a three month sublease and had refused to consider a sublease for just the term of his internship.

A picture is worth 1000 words. I told John to photograph and video the apartment as he found it, to contact University Housing, to find a cleaning service, and to hire a professional organizer to help him pack up Madison's stuff so that he could unpack his things. He sent me a few photos, and I thought I was going to get sick after viewing them. The state of the refrigerator and freezer along with the exploded food inside, the sheer volume of things dumped and piled high everywhere in the apartment, and the kitchen cabinet doors that had fallen off their hinges, really got me.

John spent hours working beside a cleaning lady and a professional organizer from Task Rabbit (who moonlights as an actor and was an extra in the movie Oppenheimer). Both of these wonderful people were true angels. Some of the stuff that covered every inch of the floor, cabinets, all surfaces and counters, the closet from top to bottom, and furniture was carefully packed into oversized boxes and labeled. The kitchen was deep cleaned and the pots and pans left out with old food still stuck on them were scrubbed. The boxes were neatly piled up into the center of the kitchen. John later stacked them in the living room. The maintenance department re-attached the broken cabinet doors. The housing contact said that it was policy to not get involved in disputes between a student and a sublessee. Madison chose to not reimburse John for the money that he paid for cleaning and organizing expenses nor did she have a friend pick up her boxes.

The other day I noticed that Madison had posted an ad on a Facebook off-campus housing page offering the apartment for sublease from August 15 to September 30, even though John has a sublease from June 5 through September 5. Wasn't it enough that she had left the apartment in a non-habitable state for him and deceived him about what the apartment actually looked like? Was someone going to show up at the apartment and start moving in while John was still living there? Was she trying to make more money by offering overlapping subleases?

As a parent, I wanted John to enjoy his internship and life in LA. without engaging in a back and forth with Madison. I was deeply disturbed that she would treat anyone this way and that Housing took little action to help. I had hoped that Housing would at least store Madison's boxes until the sublease ended. I am happy to report that John is having a fantastic summer working at IMAX and living in LA. As a mediator, I used to handle landlord/tenant disputes all the time in the Small Claims Division in D.C. Courts, Multi-Door Dispute Resolution. My job as a mediator is to empower my clients to identify the issues, brainstorm solutions, evaluate those solutions, and reach joint decisions. My job as a parent is also to empower my children and not to fix every problem that they encounter. I wanted to fix this problem for John but knew that I needed to let him handle it.

John ended up writing a short note to Madison and to Housing with my guidance outlining that he was aware she was attempting to double sublease and that this was not acceptable nor legal. Housing responded to him that they would not allow an overlapping sublease request. He still has three more weeks in LA before he returns to the East coast and I want him to continue to enjoy his internship and his LA adventures! (There is a funny story involved regarding when he met actor Glenn Powell, pictured above, in the bathroom of the Village movie theater at the premiere of Twisters in Westwood.)

*I've changed the name of the person John is subleasing from to protect her privacy.