little falls mediation
  • Home
  • About Ellice Halpern
  • How LFM Can Help You
  • Mediation
    • WHAT IS MEDIATION
    • FAMILY/DIVORCE MEDIATION
    • BUSINESS/CIVIL MEDIATION
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • Testimonials

Dealing with Difficult People

2/19/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
I recently participated in a mediator training on dealing with difficult people at Multidoor Dispute Resolution.  The training was conducted by David C. Batson, Esq.  David has over thirty years of dispute resolution experience spanning all major environmental programs.

David was an excellent presenter who talked about three different types of difficult people.  Those who are situationally difficult are facing a stressful life situation. They may react in an out-of-proportion way to a situation with angry and irrational responses and demands. Others are simply difficult -- highly defensive, preoccupied with blaming others, often extremely intelligent, and desperate to receive validation for themselves. Last, some people are strategically difficult -- they use "being difficult" as a tactic to get something they want from you. David says you know that this tactic is occurring because you feel that they are up to something, they will modify behavior within bounds, they try to convince you to play by their rules, and you've ruled out that they are situationally difficult.

We talked about numerous strategically difficult negotiating tactics that are often used by the parties during a mediation.  David gave us some excellent counters to these tactics that we can use as mediators.  Here are a few of my favorites with which I've had personal experience:

•  False Deadlines -- This happens when a party creates an arbitrary time pressure to force an agreement.  David suggests questioning the cause. "What's creating the time pressure? Is there anything that can be done to relieve the deadline pressure?" He also advises determining what happens after the deadline. "What if we don't make it?"  Last, he suggests a trade. "What if I could take more time but come back with a better deal?"

•   Bullying -- A party will pick on someone and minimize that person and his or her ideas in front of others.  Countering a bully involves being prepared. Advance research may prepare the mediator to expect bullying.  Another response to bullying is to shine a light on the bully's behavior.  "Do you believe that the best approach is to intimidate?"

•  Bulldozing -- You might be familiar with this tactic.  A bulldozer keeps going without pause until he or she gets what he or she wants.  A bulldozer does not let anyone get a word in edgewise.  Counter to bulldozing?  Disrupt the pace. Periodically stop the speaker to summarize and record understanding.  Interrupt and ask "Do you have have anything new to add on this point?"

Other strategically difficult negotiating tactics -- and counters to these tactics -- we discussed included good cop/bad cop, take it or leave it, passive aggressive, silence, red herring, outrageous behavior, ganging up, surprise information, the bluff, withdrawal, and threats.  Let me know what other tactics you may have encountered in working with difficult people and what counters you have used that have worked well!

​

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Ellice Halpern, J.D., is a Virginia Supreme Court certified general and family mediator.

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Copyright © 2015 www.littlefallsmediation.com
  • Home
  • About Ellice Halpern
  • How LFM Can Help You
  • Mediation
    • WHAT IS MEDIATION
    • FAMILY/DIVORCE MEDIATION
    • BUSINESS/CIVIL MEDIATION
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • Testimonials